McSweeney's is hilarious

courtesy of McSweeney's Internet Tendency


"POSSIBLE 'SURPRISE' ENDINGS TO THE NEW SAMUEL L. JACKSON FILM SNAKES ON A PLANE.

By Marc Keinath and Kyle Nuske

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Scenario Two

After single-handedly killing all snakes on board and landing the plane, Jackson steps onto the tarmac and removes his trench coat only to reveal that he is, in fact, made entirely out of snakes.

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Scenario Four

As the plane is landing, Samuel Jackson is battling the last snake on the plane: a giant anaconda named Nancy. When he is about to let Nancy live by trapping her in a large duffle bag, he notices his father's wristwatch around her neck. Realizing that this is the snake that killed the man who raised him, Sam entangles Nancy's tail in the landing gear, simultaneously puréeing the beast and attaining the vengeance he has sought since age 13.

Scenario Five

All the snakes on the plane have been killed, and the only thing left to do is land the plane. That is, of course, until an Arabic man strapped with C4 explosives says he is going to crash the plane into the Golden Gate Bridge. Knowing he would rather die than risk bringing this monster to the mainland, Samuel L. Jackson decides to crash the plane into an offshore nitroglycerin plant. Unfortunately, the resulting explosion from the plane, terrorist, and nitroglycerin combo creates a tidal wave that destroys San Francisco. The Golden Gate Bridge stands, however, and is renamed the Jackson Bridge. "

I think I might post hilarious things I find on the internet here.

-chris